What could I really do? Who would even believe me? What type of daughter would I be to accuse my father of homosexuality? How could I face my mother with the news that my father and my husband were lovers? Inna Lillahi what could I really do in this situation. I broke down; I just crouched and broke down in tears, the blood from my period further staining my white carpet… I did not care, let the carpet stain I thought- as I watched it turn a dirty red colour…
He crawled towards me, ‘Sadiya I am sorry’ was all he kept saying. I had so many things I wanted to say to him but I just could not open my mouth. It was as if the weight in my heart had pulled my mouth shut. I heard him talk.
He said he had always been a bottom (other men did it to him), since his days in secondary school. He said a senior boy had taught him and somehow it had become his habit. He said he preferred that to being with a woman.
‘I really do love you Sadiya, just not in that way you know! When we met you accepted me, without any questions. I love you but I just could not be a lover to you. And I saw that you liked being married to me. I always assumed you knew…
This was a mistake, it will never happen again. Your father is the senior boy who first molested me back in secondary school. I had not seen him since secondary school until the day I went to greet him before we got married. We rekindled our relationship and… .’
I slapped his dirty mouth. How dare he? Three years in a sex less marriage and he had the audacity to tell me he assumed I knew?
Why would a woman assume her husband was a perverted homo sexual pig? Why? Why did he marry me? He just used me to kill the rumours ko? Shege tsinnanne!
He continued to talk but I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up.
I walked out and drove straight home to my mother. After narrating what happened, my mother held me in her arms and told me she had caught my father several times with different lovers and she had taken it in her stride.
I could not believe what she was saying. So all this time… my father had been a gay man and my mother knew. Not only did she know but she condoned it! Subhanallah. The only part of the story that shocked my mother was that he had seduced his son in law. I was beyond disgusted. What on earth?
All I thought I knew about my parents was a lie. A disgusting lie. I wanted to throw up wallahi. So she had children with him while knowing his true nature? According to my mother all I needed was patience. She told me she coped by telling herself it was just a habit like smoking cigarettes. She warned me against causing any scandal and instructed me to go home and take care of my husband like a good wife should.
According to my mother all I needed was patience. She told me she coped by telling herself it was just a habit like smoking cigarettes. She warned me against causing any scandal and instructed me to go home and take care of my husband like a good wife should. No one wanted to be there for me so I drove home, cleaned up my house and waited. He came home late at night with a bandage over his wound. He talked a lot but I did not hear a word. I just looked at him and wondered what else he was hiding.
That night I could not sleep. What was I going to do? I had cried gallons of tears and still I was hurting. The tears did not cool the raging fire within me. I was so angry! A week later, I still did not know how I was going to leave my husband. I could not pretend that things were normal between us. I was all cried out.
So I decided to take my life. It was the best possible outcome. If I killed myself then no would ever find out about the shame in my family. At night, I took a knife and started to slit my wrists until I passed out. I thought I had died but I woke up in a hospital with Hamisu and my mother by my side.
He had found me bleeding out on the floor of the kitchen. I was angry I did not succeed in taking my own life. I ended up staying in the hospital for a week and Hamisu was the ever dutiful husband. Everyone called me ungrateful for wanting to end my life despite having such a devoted husband… what more did I want in life; they all asked me. I wish they could know what I had been going through
Once I felt better, I told him I wanted him to divorce me. I told him if he refused I would go to court and tell the alkali (judge) everything. I had nothing to lose. I just wanted to be away from him, from my parents, from everyone that said I was an ungrateful wife. I wish could put themselves in my shoes.
He divorced me. It has been a year and I just recently moved into my own house. I do not want anything to do with my parents. I still have suicidal thoughts every now and then.
Hamisu has remarried and I pitied the poor girl when I saw their pictures on Instagram. I wondered if she would ever find out. I wonder if she will be patient with him. That patience is what landed me in the hell I found myself in.
I should have known that something was not right from our first night together. I should have said something, I should have left him. But no, I wanted to be a good wife. I cannot trust a man again. I do not wish to marry again. For now, what is important to me is making as much money to take care of myself without needing anyone.
People always say that time heals all wounds so I have hope of being normal some day. Thank you for reading my story.”